Every week celebrities go on Twitter and speak their minds. Sometimes they’re funny, sometimes they’re thought-provoking, and sometimes we don’t know what they’re talking about. This list is all of that and more. Strap in. It could get bumpy.
Photo credit: eldh, Flickr
I’M NEVER UPGRADING ANY SOFTWARE NO MATTER WHAT THEY SAY. IT ALWAYS STINKS. FUCK YOU NEW SOFTWARE VERSIONS.
— Aziz Ansari (@azizansari) December 10, 2012
Ahhhhh-Mennnn!
tomorrow I’m going to reset my iTunes password and I’m never going to forget it again
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) December 10, 2012
Sounds familiar.
I'm just glad it's illegal to eat healthy during December.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 10, 2012
That is a rule, right?
I'm a 35 yr old husband/dad but when I see a SLIVER of bra strap on a woman, I still think "Heh heh, she has boobs."
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) December 10, 2012
And that will never, ever stop.
I’m getting so good at parenting via text message.
— Elizabeth Banks (@ElizabethBanks) December 10, 2012
It really has come to that these days.
If you don’t shave or wax your pubes and you wear panty hose with no underwear, your crotch looks like Vlade Divac robbing a gas station.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) December 10, 2012
That’s just funny.
Missing a strap on I had,still in package….vanished. Really? Who steals a fucking strap on? Feeling violated when it should be some1 else
— Adrianne Curry (@AdrianneCurry) December 10, 2012
Uhhhhhh.
i doubt that even mother terrasa could please the folk on the internet !
— Kitty Lea (@misskittylea) December 11, 2012
No way. They’d troll the hell out of her.
Dear women, stay clear of face fillers, lip pumping, Botox……and men who call you Babe
— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) December 11, 2012
Solid advice.
I wish that Rusell Crowe, Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, and Angelina Jolie would do a movie. It’d make it easier to avoid them.
— Joshua Malina (@JoshMalina) December 11, 2012
Could you imagine that set?
I don’t like it when the bear in that Charmin commercial takes the newspaper into the bathroom after his son is done shitting. #justsAyin
— Julie Klausner (@julieklausner) December 11, 2012
And since when do bears have bathrooms?
The Ikea Monkey has gone viral. 11 dead. It causes the body to quickly breakdown particularly in the joints & drawers.
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) December 11, 2012
Film at 11.
If it turns out STORAGE WARS is fake there’s a good chance I might not give a shit so hard I’ll snap my spine.
— Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) December 12, 2012
That’s a lot of not giving a shit.
I love Xmas decorations! I spray all my windows with fake frost, including my windshield. Apologies to everyone I hit on my way 2 work.
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) December 12, 2012
That’s the spirit.
If you talk in the movie theater, odds are strong we wouldn’t be bffs in real life.
— Zach Braff (@zachbraff) December 12, 2012
That’s not the worst way to weed people out.
Everybody’s like “Hey Anne Hathaway, we don’t want to see your puss.” I’m like, “Give it a chance!”
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) December 12, 2012
Yes, let’s keep an open mind here.
So sweet of my kids to have most of their major meltdowns on the curb in front of our house in their loud outside voices. So sweet.
— erinn hayes (@hayeslady) December 13, 2012
They know exactly what they’re doing.
Thanks, random Congressman, for teaching me the word “perfidy” this am on @morningedition. Probably a useful word when working in Congress.
— Gillian Jacobs (@GillianJacobs) December 13, 2012
See Congress is useful!
that honey boo boo show is disgusting. are you kidding me america.
— Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco) December 13, 2012
Finally, the voice of reason.
Never underestimate a man’s ability to make you feel guilty for his mistakes
— Rihanna (@rihanna) December 13, 2012
We’re good like that.
Test how strongly your friends believe the World will end Dec 21. Invite them to sign all their assets over to you by Dec 20.
— Neil deGrasse Tyson (@neiltyson) December 13, 2012
Hey, it’s worth a shot.
If anyone is looking for a nest, I haven’t washed or brushed my hair in 3 days.
— Jen Kirkman (@JenKirkman) December 13, 2012
Sexy.
Google Maps is back!!! Hallelujah! :)
— Anne V (@AnneV) December 13, 2012
Said by thousands…
for the happy holidays or the christmas buy my iron sheik store theironsheik.org or go fuck yourself
— The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik) December 14, 2012
Now there’s holiday marketing.
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